my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
