I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
