shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
