she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
