i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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