what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize