out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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