The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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