I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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