i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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