Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
