I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you will always have a special place in my vag
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
