Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
