Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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