fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize