I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
