I just made out with a guy for $7.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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