His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
