So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
