1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
