But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
