Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
