it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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