I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
