i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
