oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
