Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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