u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
