I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
