Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
