My hand turned me down
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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