Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
