"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
