So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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