Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
