I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
