oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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