i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
