im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
