I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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