Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize