hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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