she looked like the before picture.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
