She's JV to your varsity
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
