There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
