oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
