there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
