I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
