well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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