I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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