she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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