loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
