There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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