I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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