i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
