So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
