I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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