He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
