Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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