Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
