I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
