Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
