If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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