i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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