There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
