you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
