i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
