Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
